0
parenthood

25 Ways Dogs & Babies are Exactly the same {{Guest Post}}

25 ways dogs and babies are exactly the same

As most of you know I recently welcomed my 2nd daughter June into the world. And while I’m taking a few weeks off I wanted to give a few of my favorite bloggers the opportunity to write a couple of guest posts while I’m out. I am sure you will find their posts as entertaining and enjoyable as I do.

So without further adieu, I’d like to welcome my first guest blogger –

Andrea Archambault from AndreaArchambault.blogspot.com.

 

I’ve been a mom to fur babies long before Brody came along. While pregnant, I was convinced that Peanut, Zayla and Zora had somehow prepared me for motherhood. Boy, was I right. Granted, Brody is only 7-months-old, but so far, Tank and Terror are pretty much the same:

25 ways dogs and babies are exactly the same

  1. In order to avoid scrubbing carpets, there’s absolutely no hesitation to stick out your hands and catch whatever bodily fluid may be coming atcha.
  2. Saying phrases like “don’t eat your hand” and “how did you get poop on your foot” are super legit. And pretty common.
  3. Never mind wanting the bathroom alone… I just wish I could pee without a paw scratching at my thigh for attention or a 18 lb. tank strapped to my chest.
  4. If either of them are within a 3 foot radius of you, there’s a 94% chance you’ll end up with some sort of drool, snot, urp or eye boogers on you.
  5. By far the best cuddlers… but usually only when exhaustion or sickness has set in.
  6. They’re the reasons you “can’t have anything nice.”
  7. Completely desensitized to poop.
  8. If they’re awake and it’s quiet… something bad is happening. Real bad.
  9. When all else fails, feed ’em.
  10. It’s no big deal to have full-out conversations with them and then feel slightly insane completely normal when you consider that have no idea what you’re saying and aren’t going to contribute.
  11. It doesn’t matter how deep of a coma-like nap they’re in… as soon as you sneak into the bathroom to shower/poop/hide, all hell breaks loose.
  12. They are the best faces to see first thing in the morning or after a long day at work.
  13. Shamelessly stinky.
  14. You’re expected to summon your inner psychic powers and interpret those blank stares and needy grunting noises.
  15. Together, they can make even the burliest of men turn to mush and go all sorts of goo-goo gah-gah.
  16. How they don’t get super pissed about having to eat the exact same thing every single meal is beyond me.
  17. They both trigger some mommy hormone that makes you have super morbid nightmares about bad things happening to them. (That’s normal, right?)
  18. Whether 9 or 90 lbs… the amount of poop that comes out of them is mind blowing.
  19. You can’t stay mad at them. You just can’t. That’s why God made them cute. So we don’t sell them to the gypsies when shit hits the fan.
  20. Eat. Sleep. Play. Sleep. Whine. Poop. Eat. Pee. Sleep. Poop. Play. Sleep. Eat. Pee. Play. Whine. Sleep.
  21. They’re the reason you can have intellectual adult conversations about poop. “Did Zora go poop when you let her out? Yeah, but it was super runny… hope she’s not getting sick. What consistency was Brody’s poop this morning? Was it the stinky turtle eggs or yellow mustard mush?”
  22. They will sleep through anything… EXCEPT opening the treat cupboard/nursery door.
  23. Extreme neediness doesn’t kick in until you are in the middle of something that requires both hands and/or undivided attention.
  24. Have I mentioned poop?
  25. They’re both so worth it.

More From Story of Five

You Might Also Like

18 Comments

  • Reply
    Andrea Archambault
    July 23, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    Thanks for the opportunity to guest post! 🙂

    • Reply
      Melanie
      July 23, 2013 at 8:17 pm

      Andrea, thanks so much for guest posting today. This is such a great article!

  • Reply
    Jenny
    July 23, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I could not agree more!! We’ve had a dog 7 months now, and it’s just like having a new baby!

    • Reply
      Melanie
      July 23, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      Jenny, my hubby said the same thing. We have 3 dogs, all before we had a baby and he said it made him a little more prepared for the chaos and unpredictability 🙂

  • Reply
    Terry (My Journey With Candida)
    July 24, 2013 at 6:19 am

    LOL… The first one is one I would never do…. I will not catch poop or pee….

  • Reply
    Corinne
    July 24, 2013 at 6:40 am

    OMG, this is hilarious! As the owner of two dogs and mother to four children, I have to say these are spot on. In fact, I just had a serious, adult conversation about poop yesterday with my best friend while we were walking the dogs. And after 20 years of dog ownership and 15 years as a mother, I can count on one hand the number of times I have been able to go to the bathroom without a witness.

  • Reply
    Tess
    July 24, 2013 at 7:24 am

    As a dog owner and a parent, I’ve seen my share of poop and pee. When does it end? lol

  • Reply
    Pam
    July 24, 2013 at 7:37 am

    That is too funny and I totally agree. Having a dog and cats is as interesting as having kids. They are all always into something!

  • Reply
    Heather Johnson
    July 24, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Love this post! I keep saying that getting a dog taught us how to be parents!

  • Reply
    becca
    July 24, 2013 at 8:34 am

    These are just too funny! I love it!!

  • Reply
    Angela Addington
    July 24, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    Whqt a hilarious post. I can so relate to these! Thanks for a great read.

  • Reply
    Melinda Dunne
    July 24, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Oh my gosh this is so funny and so TRUE! You had me laughing from the beginning-great post!

  • Reply
    Pam
    July 24, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    My favorite one is this – “You can’t stay mad at them. You just can’t. That’s why God made them cute. So we don’t sell them to the gypsies when shit hits the fan.”

    I love it all! Thanks for the laugh.

  • Reply
    Ashley
    July 24, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    What a great list! I treat my two dogs just like they are human children…can’t wait to see what happens when I actually have a human child lol

  • Reply
    Norine of Science of Parenthood
    July 24, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Spot on! Especially the noxious substances part. Thanks!

  • Reply
    finajenny
    July 24, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    one reason why I don’t like dogs no matter how adorable they are is cleaning.. and tending to their needs but i regret that when i had a baby… i wish i had some experience I think it would be better and easier being a mom having a dog first.

  • Reply
    Cynthia L.
    July 24, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    I have had a rought couple of days and this post brought a big smile to my face! Thanks so much for sharing this with everyone!

  • Reply
    Melissa Ryan
    July 30, 2013 at 7:33 am

    This is oh so true. I guess my dog really did prepare me for parenthood.

    Thanks for linking up with the Tuesday Baby link up last week. I would love for you to link up again this week!

    http://www.adventureswithcaptaindestructo.com/2013/07/tuesday-baby-link-up-week-41.html

Leave a Reply